"What do you do if you report bullying to your school and they do nothing?"

"What do you do if you report bullying to your school and they do nothing?"

There's nothing more frustrating than finally mustering up the courage to report to school administrators that you're being bullied, and nothing happens. I hear it all the time, when I do television shows and give advice to viewers, on radio shows from callers, and in school gyms and auditoriums across America. Sometimes it will be a parent who tells me that their son or daughter is being tormented by the cool crowd, and that they're literally getting stonewalled by the principal. Other times it will be students themselves, who approach me after one of my talks, complaining that they've been telling their counselor for weeks, even months, they're having a problem, and no one seems to be doing anything.

I remember the anguish my own parents went through when I was being bullied. My school turned a blind eye. The kids who were picking on me were what I refer to now as "elite tormentors," the mean members of the popular crowd, who had the adults in the school as fooled as many of the students about how wonderful they were. Many of them were star athletes, student government leaders, honor roll students, the list goes on and on. On the outside, these kids appeared to be the perfect American teens. They were active in extracurricular activities, always participated in class, volunteered for community service; and seemed to respect their elders. No one ever wanted to believe that beneath these smiling faces were kids who exerted their reign of terror, not through overt acts of cruelty, but by the deliberate omission of kindness. These "elite tormentors," used exclusion like a weapon, wielding it with deadly force. And what's even harder, is how does a school punish a kid for something he or she didn't do, for not inviting someone to sit at a lunch table, for not asking someone to a party "everyone" has been invited to except for one lonely student? These sins of omission are damaging, and they flourish in schools across the country.

So, what's the solution to the "elite tormentors" whom schools should be punishing, but instead too often seem to protect?

Here are some tips if you're a parent or a student being stonewalled by a school--whether it's over acts of physical and verbal abuse or the more subtle "elite tormentor" aggressive exclusion.

* Document, document, document! Keep a "journal of abuses," jotting down dates, times and details. And if it's cyberbullying, print out every nasty piece of evidence, every blog or Facebook posting, every IM, etc. Document threatening or demeaning cell phone texts as well.

* Kids, chances are if you're being bullied at school, you're not the only one. Tell your parents the names of the other kids at your school who are being bullied too. Reach out to them in friendship. Form your own clique. Parents, reach out to the parents of these kids, share with them what you and your child have been going through, and forge a "parent coalition." A school may try to ignore one concerned parent, but there's credibility in unity, and no school can effectively ignore a determined, organized group of angry parents.

* Keep taking it up the chain of command. If the principal doesn't give you a response, go to the superintendent. If that doesn't work, present your case in public at the next school board meeting. Every school district is required to hold a monthly school board meeting open to the public. Air your grievances there and bring your documentation!

* And if that still doesn't yield any action on the part of the school, contact the education writer at your local newspaper. You'd be surprised how quickly a school administration will respond when reporters are asking questions.

And above all--don't give up. Keep on fighting for your rights! And remember, you're not alone. I'm here. Reach out if you need me.