For adults still struggling with the memories of childhood bullying...

For those adults still struggling with the memories of childhood bullying, you are not alone...

From Chapter 1 of Please Stop Laughing at Me... :

"What am I doing to myself? I'm not a teenager anymore. The people attending tonight's reunion are adults with children and jobs and grown-up lives. It's absurd to worry that they're going to gang up on me. I'm behaving like a neurotic twit. I've got to confront my fears. I'm not going to let memories of being bullied and picked on hold me hostage. I must get out of this car, walk across the parking lot, open those doors, and make an entrance. I must show everyone that I'm a sophisticated woman who doesn't even remember the events of high school, let alone allow herself to be affected by them.

When they see me, I bet their eyes will pop. No one expects me to attend. Or do they? Maybe they're curious to see what happened to the girl whose desperate pleas for acceptance kept them laughing semester after semester. Or worse, maybe they won't remember me at all.

A colleague at the University of Chicago had told me that the biggest problem with school bullying is mass denial. She explained that bullies don't realize the pain they're inflicting can cause lasting emotional and psychological scars. Society says "kids will be kids." As a result, the bullies get off the hook, and later don't recall hurting anyone, because in their minds, they were just being normal. Then they hear about a high school shooting, and are as shocked as everyone else that one student would kill another. Kids who are popular may observe bullying but if it doesn't affect them, they don't pay any attention. Those who are truly aware are the people like me whose school years were hell--yet everything thinks we're exaggerating the severity of what happened to us.

My hands are sweating. My head is fuzzy and confused. I'm biting my lip and it's starting to bleed. And look at my hair! They always made fun of my hair because it was so wavy and almost impossible to control. Tonight, it's wilder than ever. Oh, God, I can't do this. Why do I have to face yesterday's ghosts, anyway? I'm successful today.

A group of them just parked next to me. They see me sitting here. They're coming this way. I feel as if I've been transported back to the first day of my freshman year in high school..."