I Survived

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Permalink Reply by Kim Carter on February 27, 2011 at 5:29pm

I survived many years of bullying. I now get bullied by my Mother-In-Law regularly. I'm not sure what it is about me that makes me such a target. I try to be as invisible as possible. Thoughts of suicide are constantly with me still though I won't go through with it. My child is now a victim of bullying as well.

 

I'm sorry to hear what a rough time you are having.

Sincerely, Kim

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Permalink Reply by Natalia E. Martir on April 7, 2011 at 1:56pm

Hello Kim,

 

First of all let me say that as Jodee reminds us in her books, any abuse given is never about the person being abused. It is an unfair projection and lashing out that has only to do with the abuser and what is going on with them internally. Once you know this, that it is not your fault, you can let go of always expecting to attract abuse. The other thing is, putting up boundaries with parents in law is a MUST when this kind of behavior is occurring. Kim, I don't know how old you are but I'm assuming you are an adult and you need to know that you and only YOU are the master of your own life. It is ok to say "no" and let your mother in law know when something is not acceptable but letting her know is not enough. You must re-enforce these boundaries with consequences, other wise they shall always see your resistance as complaining that has no follow through. Now, only you can know what those sets of boundaries and consequences to her behavior can be, since I don't know the nature of her bullying either but I hope this advice helps somehow. My parents crossed a lot of boundaries with me and it wasn't until I asserted myself and followed through with a set of rules that they got the message that their behavior was no longer going to be enabled. In regards to your child, I'm very sorry that this is happening to her. Have you thought of changing her to a different, friendlier school, having her read Jodee's books, see a counselor? She doesn't deserve to go through any bullying and she doesn't have to either. Maybe a change of place would do her great! I know that this worked for my cousin who used to be in a bully filled school where management didn't do much and it worked out really well for her. Anyway, I hope everything turns out for the best with you and your daughter. I sincerely send you many thoughts of love and a spiritual hug. Until next time, Nati. ^_~!

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Permalink Reply by Natalia E. Martir on April 6, 2011 at 12:23am

Hi Bryony! My name is Natalia and I am an adult survivor of peer abuse. I was bullied verbally, physically and, at one point, sexually. I have not wanted to deliberately end my life but have felt many times like I was dying slowly and painfully, inside. I have to say, thanks to inner faith, some good friends, family members and a few very dedicated and compassionate therapists that helped along the way, I have now managed to blossom back to a more similar semblance of the personality and daring I used to have, before the abuse.

First of all, I want to let you know that I think you are a very strong and beautiful human being. To go through all that, and still be here, and still want to make friends, it says a lot about your resilience, level of hope and desire to bond with human kind. It speaks of your Light. I want you to know, you are not alone and there are definitely a LOT of ppl. out there who would benefit from knowing you! Just remember, no one else measures your worth and only you can love yourself the way you need to not feel lonely those times you find yourself alone. In other words, alone doesn't have to always equal loneliness. For this to be true, of course, you must build a strong, loving relationship with your inner Self. I have found that the discovery of this has helped save my life in moments where it could have been severely derailed.

 

On another note, I am aware we are social creatures and, In the meanwhile, getting to know others who get ya helps for sure! Let's be honest here, everyone needs a few healthy relationships to rely on or help enrich our lives and grow! It's a major part of what life is about! Sharing real love and friendship with people, even if it's just with one person, is a huge and welcome blessing and a necessity, I think to everyone in this life. 

 

So, yeah! What college do you go to? I go to FIU and am majoring in Psychology with a minor in English and an Education Certificate. I plan to help kids and teens in the future reclaim their own Light and Self-worth, especially if they have been abused or traumatized in any way. I might end up teaching for a bit or rather being a school counselor. Maybe even a therapist that specializes in helping kids. I love making new friends and meeting new people, so HI! Tell me more about you! Sincerely: Nati ^__^!

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Permalink Reply by Bryony Mann on April 6, 2011 at 1:27am

Hey, Nat. Hows you today? I go to a local college in my hometown. :D

 

What have you been up to lately?

 

Do you have msn? We could talk on there if you want to?

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Permalink Reply by Natalia E. Martir on April 9, 2011 at 2:48am

Facebook?

 

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Permalink Reply by Natalia E. Martir on April 12, 2011 at 10:20pm

Bryony? The best way to contact me is on facebook. Do you have one?

 

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Permalink Reply by Christine Ann Hensley on April 13, 2011 at 7:34am

I understand that the pain of bulling never truly go away, my pain is still with me and I have been trying to cope by being overbearing and angry it does not help...

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Permalink Reply by Greg Haefs on August 16, 2011 at 9:55pm

Christine,

 

It's been 25 years since I graduated from high school, and I have been dealing with the same kind of pain you are dealing with for pretty much the entire 25 years.

 

I was bullied from roughly second grade through my freshman year in high school.  I felt all alone, like it was me against the world.  Why was I the only kid in school who was forced to put up with all the teasing, harassment, physical abuse, threats, intimidation, name-calling, taunts, humiliation, embarassment, and complete utter disrespect?  Why was I the only one losing possessions due to theft, destruction, and vandalism, and the only one who was the subject of slander, rumors, gossip, derisive songs, and graffiti?  It was not fair that everyone else was being treated in a friendly and respectful manner by the other kids and I was not.  I felt hurt, angry, and depressed, and I was also frustrated by teaches and administrators who either could not or would not deal with these bullies effectively.

 

A lot of time has passed and it has taken decades for me to heal emotionally and psychologically.  What has helped me?  Counseling, therapy, and a willingness to forgive all bullies for everything they have done.  I understand that the same people who bullied me are also people with jobs, families, bills, debts, and other personal struggles.  I also understand they are not the same horrible people they were back in the day.  I met some of them at my high school reunion this year, and every one of the bullies I talked to apologized and felt bad about what they did.  They acknowledged that they were young and foolish, selfish, and into doing what was popular, fun, or convenient instead of doing what was right.

 

Keep developing an understanding of your emotions and what caused them, be willing to forgive, and continue to talk to other survivors on this forum.

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Permalink Reply by Rebekah Seymour on May 6, 2011 at 10:59pm

I was bullied for several years at the private school I attended, even by those I thought to be really good friends. I never retaliated or stood up for myself which is why I was such an easy target. I internalized everything and started self-harm which gradually escalated to a failed suicide attempt. Ever since then I've had a hard time with relationships and even still struggle some with self-harm. If you feel you need to talk you could look me up on facebook or message me for my IM I'd be more than happy to talk

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Permalink Reply by Azul Rosales on June 11, 2011 at 9:13am

Hi Bryony!

I'm from Argentina. We don't have a similar word to what bully means in Spanish, but yeah I'd have to say that people picked on me, specially during high school.

The boys called me fat and other names, in birthdays they'd tell me I really didn't need to eat and wouldn't let me have cake or if I did they would make pig sounds aso. Nice memories...

University was a different story, at first. Then after dropping a subject 90% of my classmates stopped talking to me and would ignore me. I had nobody to talk to, when there was work to do in groups I'd be left by myself or best case scneario to people I didn't know.

I had suicidal thoughts and the need to hurt myself. I hadn't anticipated their reaction, I thought "maybe they'll be mad at me at first for dropping that subject, cause they'll have to re arrange groups, but not too mad cause it's not a terrible thing either". Well I was wrong. I'd walked into the class and people would stop talking, they greeted everybody by shaking hands except me, aso aso. I know it's not bullying, it's quite the opposite, it's totally ignoring somebody. But at our age (18+) it might be seen as a form of bullying.

I had a very bad time that semester. I had to deal with my horrible thoughts, after all there had to be something wrong with ME. And I wasn't the confident girl to begin with. So what was left of my self esteem was not enough to deal with the dislike of so many people.

I'm with another class now and I'm a bit happier, but I still struggle with those thoughts. If something, even the tiniest thing, goes wrong, well I don't have the inner voice to tell me it'll be ok. That voice was muredered by all the bullys during high school and then college.

If you want to talk to somebody, I'll be here for you, write to me!

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Permalink Reply by Shaina Summerville on August 2, 2011 at 12:40pm

Hello!

My name is Shaina. I was bullied from second grade and throughout high school. I suffered from verbal abuse, exclusion, as well as physical abuse.  I am in college now as well. It is not very easy for me to make friends either. I tend to make them, but have a hard time completely trusting them, or we grow apart very quickly.

I have been having problems lately due to insecurites that stem from these issues. Not many people do understand.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to contact me!

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Permalink Reply by Jessica Lynch on August 31, 2011 at 10:41am

I can relate to you. I am still overcoming the after effects and have difficulty in social situation as a result of being bullied. I never really connected with anyone for the two years I was in my program.

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