How do we show depression whos boss?

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Permalink Reply by Please Stop Laughing at Me on August 9, 2010 at 12:19pm

Hi Jonathan, it's Jodee Blanco responding to your comment. First of all, thanks for your honesty. I believe that honesty is a form of heroism. I know what it feels like to be depressed because of bullying. I struggled with it all through school. Here's my advice on some things that you can do that should be helpful, and I'd like anyone who's reading this who may also be dealing with depression to consider doing them too:

1. Don't go through depression alone. Confide in your parents or another adult that you trust, like your school counselor, an aunt or uncle, or maybe a friend's parent, about how you're feeling and ask for their help and support.

2. See a therapist or counselor, a professional you can talk to about your depression as soon as possible. Depression can have many causes. There are also different ways to treat it and only a qualified mental health practitioner can determine what would be best for you. Suggest to your parents that they contact your doctor, to see if there's someone in your area he or she would recommend.

3. Always remember, you're not alone. There are people who care about you. Reach out to them and ask for support and guidance--now.

I hope I was able to help. Take care.

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Permalink Reply by Katharine Stapleton-Santee on August 11, 2010 at 9:56am

Jonathan - I would like to applaud your being able to recognize your stress and depression and then asking for help. Ms. Blanco's recommendations are right on - you need to find an adult that you can truly trust and confide in. But I would also like to offer my help in anyway I can - even as a sounding board to help you "voice" your frustrations. I am a mother of an almost 11 year old girl and I am very aware of how vicious children can be to one another.

Please know that your inner self is clearly making its way out - asking for help shows that you have strength. Again, please seek out an adult that you can trust and will help counsel you through this overwhelming time.

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Permalink Reply by Mark Stebbing on August 15, 2010 at 2:22pm

Hello Johnathan,
I hope this helps. I was bullied many times as a child from about 4th grade all the way until my senior year of high school. At the time I was more angry than depressed as a result of the negative treatment from my peers and while things were fine at home I was continuously picked on in school. I could not figure out what everybody's problem was with me and in retrospect I can see that I had several qualities I am proud of today but they did not set well with my peers at that time. I am a teacher now and have seen so many of my old friends and not so old students go through a variety of situations that made their lives very difficult. Luckily most of them have eventually been able to put the past behind them and have gone on to be superior individuals in their adult lives. I doubt it helps much to hear that things are highly likely to get better in your future while you are currently going through so much pain. It sounds too cliche but you truly can and likely will look back on these days as character building experiences that will help you become a more self-confident and compassionate human being.

In the short term I would definitely recommend that you find a bond with a trusted adult in your life. Teachers and counselors are a good place to start if you can find one that will take time to really talk with you about your situation. I found that working odd jobs gave me a lot of positive feedback from the adults who hired me. I did many kinds of jobs starting at about 14 and while some bosses were tough, I always knew they appreciated my efforts because I worked as hard as I could no matter what the task. This gave me self confidence from a number of people who were not my peers as they were older and wiser and were more valuable to me in terms of knowing I had a good chance of being successful in the adult world while many of the bullies who harassed me barely graduated high school and some of the worst ones dropped out.

You said very clearly that you are looking for ways to rid yourself of the depression you have locked up inside. Knowing who you are and the kind of person you want to be can be a big help. Explore your personality and ask yourself what it is you like most about yourself and try to grow from there. You should always try to be your own best friend and take care of yourself emotionally. Seek out hobbies and interests you enjoy then look for others who enjoy similar activities. Focus on the things that make you happy and healthy both physically and emotionally. I used exercise as a way to burn off negative energy. Running and weight lifting were a big help but there are many options that may work better for you. Setting goals for your physical improvement can be powerful even if it is just to get a new high score with a Wii.

As you process your feelings make a list of the things your peers do to fuel your depression and share that list with a trusted adult. Sometimes it may take more than one person to understand all your unique and special attributes that deserve to be recognized in a positive way.

Best of luck to you.

Mark

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Permalink Reply by aubrey fain on August 25, 2010 at 4:09pm

hi
my name is aubrey fain. i am also 15 years old. i know how you feel. i was bullied from 2nd th eighth grade. all i did to defeat the depression was to find people who like you and care about what you think. if you dont find people right away, keep looking. there is always some one to help you out.

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Permalink Reply by Mary-Claire Penner on September 4, 2010 at 9:48pm

Jonathan,
I'm not sure if I'm the right person to give advice. I am a twenty-two year old who is still fighting depression that has been planted inside me by a fourth grade teacher. I was never bullied; but I live in fear that everyone will find me as unintelligent as my fourth grade teacher did when i was nine. Something that made school more bearable for me were my after school activities. My parents (unintentionally) had me go to dance schools that were separated from my academic school. There I found myself being able to relax. I didn't have to worry about my learning disabilities. I was able to do what my teachers asked of me and become part of a group. I would strongly suggest finding a group that does not associate with your school. Make sure the group is into something that you're good at or just makes you happy. It will not make your problems at school go away (so you should still talk to a trustworthy adult and/or counselor as Jodee suggest) but hopefully it will bring more joy to your life in general. I hope this helps and maybe together we can fight the doubt that is bringing us so much pain
Sincerely, Mary-Claire

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Permalink Reply by Chelsie VanLieshout on October 11, 2010 at 3:46pm

Hi Jonathan,

My name is Chelsie. I am from Green Bay,WI and am 30 yrs old and I know EXACTLY what you are going through. About 5 years ago all the bullying I endured during my school years built up like toxins in my soul. I became horribly depressed and have always struggled with anxiety. Unfortunately, my parents did not believe in counseling for me which is a shame, because if they did maybe I would not have wasted so many years being so sad. My point is take Jodee's advice and talk to an adult or someone you trust and see a counselor if you can. I hope your parents will get you some professional help. I became a counselor myself and decided during my schooling to start seeing a counselor as I recognized I could not help others in my emotional state at the time. I am 30 and am now starting to get to know myself.

Also, get involved in hobbies or physical activity. For me physical activity like working out is a HUGE outlet for me. If I feel myself getting blue I head to the gym or take a brisk walk.

Best of luck Jonathan and if you need anyone to talk to who has been there my personal email address is imchelsielynn@aol.com

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Permalink Reply by Holly on October 28, 2010 at 5:27pm

Wow Jonathan!

First I want to assure you that you are not alone. I am 33 years old. I am successful and have a great family "white picket fence" and all!!! I still deal with the scars left by my "friends".

I am not going to go into my own issues because that is not what you asked for. You asked for ideas and I am going to tell you what has helped me.

First I had to give myself permission to begin to feel again. I don't know about you but when you are picked on so much you begin to stop feeling or "zoning out" so you are able to cope with situations. This was difficult because feeling is not easy. It is something I work on everyday!

I also had to begin to listen to people and not assume what they were saying was a lie or a game to see how I would react. Not everyone is out to get you or make you look stupid.

I highly recommend you see a councilor. They can help you to understand honest interpersonal skills. They can even help you with social situations.

This is a shitty club to belong to but I wouldn't change it for the world. It has made me who I am!

Stay strong and you are not alone!

Hilary;)

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Permalink Reply by Greg Haefs on August 17, 2011 at 7:19pm

Jonathan,

 

Do they still bully you to this day?  Also, do you have any close, loyal friends?  I just wanted to ask before proceeding any further.

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