Going into High School

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Greg Haefs on August 16, 2011 at 10:03pm

There are three categories of responses to bullying:  assertive, aggressive, and passive.  Two of the three are at best ineffective, and at worst like trying to douse a fire with gasoline.  Of the three, assertive is best.

 

Look these bullies in the eye, without showing fear or anger, and tell them to stop their bullying.  Chances are they won't at first, but if you consistently stand up to them in this way, they will eventually get the message and even respect you.

 

Never give up.  Better days will come to you if you hang in there.  Better days came to me.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Greg Haefs on August 17, 2011 at 7:04pm

Sam,

 

I'm sorry I could not give you a better response yesterday.  Time was running out and I had to go.  But now I have more time to be of help.

 

I completely understand why you are depressed.  You probably feel like you got beat up on the inside and on the outside after a day of school and practice.  I was depressed, too, during the time I was relentlessly and severely bullied at school.  Once I even threatened to kill myself before leaving school and missing the next two days after that.  But the planning stage never went very far.  What I really wanted to end was not my life, but the seemingly constant bullying.  Shortly after that episode, I changed my gameplan in dealing with the bully gang I referred to as the "rowdies".  By switching from aggressive and passive responses to more consistently calm but assertive responses, I was able to turn things around and get the "rowdies" to end their bullying within less than a year.  I don't know if that approach would work for everyone, but it did work for me.

 

Sometimes it is even appropriate to walk away from the bullies.  A simple "excuse me, I'm going to class." or saying to a friend, "Let's go; we don't hang with those who bully." will often do the job.  Hopefully the methods I suggested will work.  If they do not, you may have to get others involved.

 

Also, I want to ask, are you still on the football team?  If you are, please do not quit.  Sometimes you can gain respect simply by playing, practicing, and hitting hard, and proving that you are tough enough to play the game.  I am not advocating violence here; I am simply acknowledging that football is, by nature, a violent sport.  Any violence you direct toward the bullies on your team must be within the context of playing and practicing the game, and must be within the rules of the game.  Don't let them intimidate you, psyche you out, or bait you into fighting them at practice.  Do your best.

 

Above all, never give up.  Keep working for a happier time.  Success and happiness is the best revenge against the bullies of the world.  When you are successful and happy, the bullies have failed in their goal to bring misery to you.  

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Sam Kreitzberg on August 21, 2011 at 8:22pm

Greg, Sad to say I got so angry I missed tryouts and after that I couldn't make the team. I am not even good at football my brother wanted me to play so I could get cool. Thank you very much for the advice I will use it if needed. Lets pray I wont. 

With HOPE, Sam

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Greg Haefs on March 20, 2012 at 10:18pm

Sam,

 

I know it's been a while since my last reply, but I just wanted to follow up.  How has this school year been for you?

 

• ▶ Reply